Well it's been a while for sure, God has really been doing some amazing things in my life. All by Himself with out my help. I am just so in awe of where I am, physically, financially and spiritually compared to where I was a year ago. God has chosen to bless me beyond measure and I am so humbled and grateful. He spoke this scripture to my heart before I ever moved to Montana, in Ephesians 3:20 it says" Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."Jesus is my life, the heart that beats within my chest. He accomplishes in my life things far beyond my ability or expectations, He truly is my strength.
I had spent a good part of my life being a "good girl" and trying and striving and trying and striving to do the right thing. That in and of itself is not the problem, its not a bad thing to want to do the right thing. However, my motivation was to do this to keep God happy with me. To win His favor. What I did was have a great religious system. I am saddened because in the church today so many others also have this system of "Christianity". It's largely driven by fear and behaviors. Thankfully God doesn't look at that, but looks at the heart. There are some scriptures about this, in Isaiah 29:13 The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men and in Mark 7:6 Jesus says "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: "'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
In our human nature we try to create a system of how to do Christianity. It cannot be done. Only God can work through you to sanctify you, and transform you. That is why so many people in the "world" find Christianity distasteful and judgemental, because we make up man made rules for ourselves, for our church bodies and then, impose those on others, causing us to seem superior, because of our outward behavior. I have found that Jesus is so loving, so compassionate that He knows our brokenness, and He is quite aware of our humanity, He sees us as a beautiful mess, regardless of how we view ourselves. After all He made us. He does not want us to be self-sufficient, He wants us to go to Him for all we need. I have found that when I was in my darkest hours, for I indeed have walked through the valley of the shadow, when I was full of doubts and fears and I was angry and depressed...God was ever so near, He held me up, and brought me to higher ground. All the appropriation in the world couldn't do this for me. Endless speaking of His word, although comforting to hear but chanting over and over His promises did not bring me to His heart. It only caused me to work harder and feel more abandoned when my prayer wasn't answered the way I thought it should be. We live in a fallen world where Gods purposes are served even when we cannot understand this side of eternity. We have to stop putting God in a box. We as the church of Jesus Christ can pray for people, but we need to let them know, sometimes the answer this side of eternity is No, but that doesn't mean He doesn't love us. He just has a much grander plan and perspective. He allows our brokenness to cause us to reach for the God that NEVER LETS GO of us. Thank you Jesus for keeping me. We could never keep ourselves! and we can never give back something that was never in us to get. Our salvation is secure in the sovereign God of the universe, not in our human strength, nor our ability or appropriation. If the church would preach the message of grace, the amazing grace of Jesus, so many more of the lost would be drawn in by the unmerited favor of God doing things in us that we could never do ourselves. Jesus, I ask you to give an illumination of your grace and sovereignty to my readers hearts. Show them that you love them and they are completely and utterly unable to keep themselves, and that you alone, can keep them and love them, open their hearts to your never ending love, in Jesus name Amen
